So only the second post and I’m already kinda blowing it. I suppose now would be a good time to amend my goal of about once a week to…when I have the chance. But anyway, A lot has happened since the original post as most of you looking at this know I am back in Lynchburg and the new semester is under way, I have deleted my Facebook, and I am working on registering for my first 50k ultra-marathon.
With all the busyness lately it has really made me realize that I thrive on chaos. By that I mean that I really don’t feel as if I am myself unless I am up against some kind of something. Even this early I am trying to find the right groove to get through the semester and maintain daily quiet times, my running and last but not least my school work. I get to a point where if I miss one of those ( my essential three) I get really anxious and scatter brained and just plain weird, for me. I find this kind of interesting though that these things are my “problems” and that I can so easily feel defeated and beat up by just little simple things and I beat myself up over it.
Ive bee going through Job, with “Through the bible in a year” a pamphlet I snagged from the lobby of church back home and been re-reading the struggles of my favorite fella from the OT. I remembered something that kept coming into my head last year when I went through the same book. “Its ok, to not be ok”, I am not saying its ok to go around sinning, what I am saying is that “its ok that we aren’t perfect” in fact it’s kind of expected. My expectation to never miss a day of my quiet time, while it’s a good thing to do and grow closer to God, He isn’t going to love me any less for missing that day. While I may miss my target mileage for the week, he isn’t going to love me less for not going out on a run. And while I may not make an A in that class and have a stellar GPA God IS NOT GOING TO LOVE ME ANY LESS. Back to Job it’s pretty safe to say he was going through some stuff. More than just his grades running shape. His family and all his wealth had been taken from him and his “friends” are grilling him with how bad a guy he is. When in reality it was his uprightness that led to the problem. I would be frustrated and perplexed too and I can almost guarantee I wouldn’t handle it as well as Job. And Job was questioning God of why this was happening to him, wouldn’t any of us? My thought process on it is. How did we get to a place where we had to make others believe everything was all good with our lives?
So as a sort of exercise at growing up, I am going to be the first to point out and admit.
- · I AM NOT PERFECT!
- · I STRUGGLE WITH WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME!
- · I DEAL WITH TEMPTATIONS EVERYTIME I TURN ON MY COMPUTER!
- · I GET DEPRESSED AND DISCOURAGED!
- · THERE ARE TIMES I FEEL COMPLETELY ALONE!
- · I AM A SINNER!
- · I AM IN DESPERATE NEED FOR A SAVIOR
- I HAVE A SAVIOR, AND HIS NAME IS JESUS CHRIST, WITHOUT HIM I AM A MESS !
JOB 23:15-17
15 Therefore I am terrified at his presence;
when I consider, I am in dread of him.
16 God has made my heart faint;
the Almighty has terrified me;
17 yet I am not silenced because of the darkness,
nor because thick darkness covers my face.
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