Ok, i know , i know. I haven't exactly been diligent on my upkeep of this blog but on a brighter not it works out great for those who have signed up for the email update =P. But in all seriousness sorry for my delay. A lot has happened since my last post my running and completing Holiday Lake 50k ++ ( apparently the ++ is for speed). and my wrestling in and out of some minor depressions. But back to the happier note the 50k.
This race was my first go at an ultra marathon (which really sounds much more intense than it actually is being only 6 or so HORTON miles over a normal marathon the HORTON emphasis is after the race director who is famous , ill be it infamous for make courses that are longer than advertised) The over all experience was a mind opening , and a humbling one for me. Going out to hard on my first lap of about 16 miles and not taking in any food, and stopping only for the every other aid station water/ sport drink refill. For 16 that strategy felt solid hitting the halfway point at just under 2 hours flat i didnt feel all that bad but , I began to feel the soon crippling effect of my error on the food intake.At the halfway point I was finally trying to scarf down calories and electrolytes. I was too late. I spent the last lap cramping up going in and out of a daze and just feeling like the garbage. I had an awesome opportunity to re-connect with God.
" Dear God, PLEASE, PLEASE let me finish. I cant let Horton be right" kind of moment. That last part You see is explained from the night before at the pre race dinner. All us ultra running virgins had gathered together to hear some tips and stories on how to go about finishing our first ultra. Horton being my professor and a total monster in the world of ULTRAS , points me out of 50+ people in the room explaining that They all had better chances of finishing than me. His explanation being that I was fast and that i would push myself into trouble. Even now a couple months after the race im not sure if he was speaking prophecy or a curse upon me.. either way he was right. Im not usually one to catch cramps during runs but boy did they say hello during this race my hamstrings bunched curling me to ball on the trail below. The most memorable instance being the last water crossing where I was starting to feel good again only to hit the water and be yanked to my knees in the middle of the creek bed by my darling hamstrings, a total I surrender all moment ! Looking back on it is hilarious because i had been using worship songs to motivate me through the second lap and I picture God in the creek bed asking "Do you really ?"( proper theology or not its a laughable image) I finished the last lap in 3:19 mins for an over all time of 5 hours and 19 mins for 32 miles. Pretty far off of my goal but ill take it. In hindsight im going to be taking the lessons learned from this 50k and applying them to others in the future , the not so distant future.
As for the Depression i mentioned its been a bit of a tough year for me I wont beat around the bush on this one. After some rather painful dealings with the girl i had been pursuing last year I sort of shut myself off from getting out and meeting new people like i normally would, instead pushed myself into the whole school thing taking 18 credits last semester and 16 this semester id be a liar if i said i wasn't busy. Still Being a loner really isnt me, nor does it fit my personality , while I'm comfortable being with myself and my own thoughts going through prolonged periods of time with only really talking to my room mates or guys on my hall has taken its toll a couple of times just leaving me in this funk of sadness without much of a clue as to getting out of it.(If you could, prayer would be much appreciated and joyously accepted) But im working on it. Oh and don't get me wrong i have met some really cool friends this year mostly around running. Im just really lacking good and tight friendships that I have back home and that i thought i had last year, all in all the only real fix i think is time.
In a closing thought for this post I want to say that, Im not typically the type to get all emotional into stuff but as I tear into my bible more im seeing that I am far from perfect and that anyone claiming to be perfect other than Christ is just lying to themselves. Plus i see it again and again how God using perfectly and beautifully messed up people for his will and his kingdom and I for one can only hope to be counted among those messes of people. So im going to take The Apostle Pauls lead on this one from 2 Corinthians 12:9
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
So in closing YEA IM A MESS, May GOD HAVE HIS WAY with my MESSINESS!
This race was my first go at an ultra marathon (which really sounds much more intense than it actually is being only 6 or so HORTON miles over a normal marathon the HORTON emphasis is after the race director who is famous , ill be it infamous for make courses that are longer than advertised) The over all experience was a mind opening , and a humbling one for me. Going out to hard on my first lap of about 16 miles and not taking in any food, and stopping only for the every other aid station water/ sport drink refill. For 16 that strategy felt solid hitting the halfway point at just under 2 hours flat i didnt feel all that bad but , I began to feel the soon crippling effect of my error on the food intake.At the halfway point I was finally trying to scarf down calories and electrolytes. I was too late. I spent the last lap cramping up going in and out of a daze and just feeling like the garbage. I had an awesome opportunity to re-connect with God.
" Dear God, PLEASE, PLEASE let me finish. I cant let Horton be right" kind of moment. That last part You see is explained from the night before at the pre race dinner. All us ultra running virgins had gathered together to hear some tips and stories on how to go about finishing our first ultra. Horton being my professor and a total monster in the world of ULTRAS , points me out of 50+ people in the room explaining that They all had better chances of finishing than me. His explanation being that I was fast and that i would push myself into trouble. Even now a couple months after the race im not sure if he was speaking prophecy or a curse upon me.. either way he was right. Im not usually one to catch cramps during runs but boy did they say hello during this race my hamstrings bunched curling me to ball on the trail below. The most memorable instance being the last water crossing where I was starting to feel good again only to hit the water and be yanked to my knees in the middle of the creek bed by my darling hamstrings, a total I surrender all moment ! Looking back on it is hilarious because i had been using worship songs to motivate me through the second lap and I picture God in the creek bed asking "Do you really ?"( proper theology or not its a laughable image) I finished the last lap in 3:19 mins for an over all time of 5 hours and 19 mins for 32 miles. Pretty far off of my goal but ill take it. In hindsight im going to be taking the lessons learned from this 50k and applying them to others in the future , the not so distant future.
As for the Depression i mentioned its been a bit of a tough year for me I wont beat around the bush on this one. After some rather painful dealings with the girl i had been pursuing last year I sort of shut myself off from getting out and meeting new people like i normally would, instead pushed myself into the whole school thing taking 18 credits last semester and 16 this semester id be a liar if i said i wasn't busy. Still Being a loner really isnt me, nor does it fit my personality , while I'm comfortable being with myself and my own thoughts going through prolonged periods of time with only really talking to my room mates or guys on my hall has taken its toll a couple of times just leaving me in this funk of sadness without much of a clue as to getting out of it.(If you could, prayer would be much appreciated and joyously accepted) But im working on it. Oh and don't get me wrong i have met some really cool friends this year mostly around running. Im just really lacking good and tight friendships that I have back home and that i thought i had last year, all in all the only real fix i think is time.
In a closing thought for this post I want to say that, Im not typically the type to get all emotional into stuff but as I tear into my bible more im seeing that I am far from perfect and that anyone claiming to be perfect other than Christ is just lying to themselves. Plus i see it again and again how God using perfectly and beautifully messed up people for his will and his kingdom and I for one can only hope to be counted among those messes of people. So im going to take The Apostle Pauls lead on this one from 2 Corinthians 12:9
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
So in closing YEA IM A MESS, May GOD HAVE HIS WAY with my MESSINESS!
Sorry bout that, This one is a tad long winded.
ReplyDeleteDear Mike,
ReplyDeleteThanks for being so honest, it helps the rest of us to be as well. I love getting a wonderfully long-winded post from you, so worth the wait and the time to read it. You are a gifted writer, please continue when you can in the midst of the studying, running,and seeking.From another messed up follower of Christ, Heidi